A Spam SEO Email Dissected

If your email address is included in a single mailto: link or on the receiving end of any contact form, there’s a high probability that you’ve received an email like the one shown below. Everyone receives them. I receive them and my site openly says I offer SEO services. Google has even received them. The thing that really irks me, however, is that these people are peddling misinformation and horribly-out-of-date information.

Most professionals in the SEO community know this these emails are junk, and that practically everything they contain is bullshit, but for the uninitiated, it may be difficult to detect. Here is one email I recently received through the contact form on this very site:

Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword….wait there’s even more Now what if i told you there was a simple WordPress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That’s right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. Seo Plugin

Pretty great, right? Allow me to dissect:

Hello Web Admin,

Very personal. If only I had my name written on the homepage in big bold letters. Or an About page all about…me. Or my first name above the contact form on every subpage.

I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post,

There are six “H tags,” for what it’s worth; and which post are you talking about, helpful stranger?

also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization.

“SEO optimization?” Search Engine Optimization…optimization?

On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda.

Yeah…Panda was “new” in February 2011.

No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings,

Sending out “a RSS feed?” Alexa rankings? What year is this? Quick, who’s President!?

You now NEED On-Page SEO.

Oh, shit. All caps. Time to listen up.

So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.

Am I reading a how-to blog post or an introduction email?

You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article

No, no you don’t.

with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing).

Hmm. That sounds like words a smart person would use. I should probably give him my money.

Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.

BUT WHAT HEADING DENSITY SHOULD I USE!? IS THAT A THING!?

Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page.

Great tip! Thanks for sharing this informative male enhancement pills.

You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.

Bold AND italics? So should it be “You’re a turd sandwich” or “You’re a turd sandwich?”

There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword

Done. Turd Sandwich

….wait there’s even more

I see you hate punctuation too That’s cool

Now what if i told you there was a simple WordPress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you?

Are you kidding!? I’d kiss you on the mouth!

That’s right AUTOMATICALLY,

Whoa! I mean, I doubted you at first, but by re-emphasizing it like that you’ve really hit the mark.

just watch this 4minute video for more information at. Seo Plugin

Um. Where’s this damn video? You made me read through that whole thing and it was just a tease?

OK, so the primary purpose of that breakdown was the blow off some steam. The bottom line is, if you get unsolicited emails offering SEO services, there is a 95% chance it is junk from a junk “company.” Yes, for all you SEOs reading this (even the legit ones), that means unsolicited emailing of prospects is a terrible, terrible waste of time.

Basically, what you need to know is this: male enhancement pills.

David Veldt

David Veldt is a digital marketing consultant specializing in building online businesses and growing brands. He writes on a variety of topics within SEO, PPC and analytics, as well as the occasional ode to baseball.

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